If you have too many options you don't have enough information...

I've been quite reflective during the last few months. Solitude creates the perfect environment for thinking and simply being. Maybe a tad reclusive, but it's good. I'm good.

History proves that I'm pretty great at visualizing, planning and manifesting, but sometimes I just get caught up in small thinking and I have to seek counsel outside of my own brain.

I have a short list of favorite podcasts I listen to when I need to get out of my own head, and favorite authors who spark creativity within me, and a few trustworthy people that I go to when I need to get unstuck with an idea.

I believe we all innately know what is best for us, but sometimes we lack the decisiveness to be able to pinpoint the next right step. Or we just get too caught up in how we want to do something and forget that there are so many other routes to the same destination.

I mulled over this very thing with my husband this week. He's good at shaking me out of my small thinking when I struggle with the big picture. He always asks the right questions.

I was in a loop of two very different avenues and couldn't decide which one to pursue. So I just kept going around and around in circles until my brain hurt and I'd get frustrated and shut down.

It's been a weird few months for me while I give my brain space to heal from PTSD and post concussion symptoms. My brain gets tired, like it just shuts down completely kind of exhausted when I concentrate on an idea or even dream build for too long. I get frustrated as hell with it, I've always been so used to being a deep and pensive thinker and problem solver and visionary. It's like I've lost a significant piece of how I know myself.

So healing from a brain injury (injuries) has made me overwhelmed most days. (Can we ever just be whelmed? Why do we have to get overwhelmed?)

I have to do things slower and more regimented these days. I can only read for short bursts, concentrate for a limited amount of time, and I have to write down all important info or I'll forget. So I feel like I can't be as productive as I'm used to.

I thought it was a flaw or a disability.

But now I'm wondering if it's been a blessing instead.

"Just do one thing." That was my husband's advice. "Only one. Just focus on one."

I've never done just one thing. I'm like the Queen of taking on too much.

Never in my life have I just focused on one.

But how do I decide which one I'd like to focus on? Can I do just 5 things?

"Just do one thing."

And then I wondered why I've been blessed with a multi-passionate personality if I should be focusing on just one thing.

And why did my brain have to break?

What about all the other things I love doing and I'm really good at doing? How do I know which thing I should do?

I narrowed it down to two.

Two was better than a dozen.

But I was still equally torn between two very different paths.

My husband "Olivia Pope-d" me (are you a Scandal fan? She's a fixer.) when he asked..."What do you want?"

And I had to dig deep.

I wanted joy.

I selfishly wanted to be joyful. Not stressed. Not drained. Not pleasing others. Not doing what I thought others expected of me. Not taking the fastest or easiest way.

I wanted sustainable joy.

And that left me with my answer.

It was clear to me then that having too many options meant I didn't have enough information.

When I peeled back the layers, when I stopped trying to please everyone else, when I leaned toward pleasure instead of just avoiding pain, I knew.

Deep in my heart I knew.

Things will be slower than I hoped while I continue to make the healthiest choices for my brain to heal. But at least I know what the next right steps are.

And once you decide something, and commit to something, life has a way of guiding you into the right conversations and situations.

I'm trusting.

And off on a new adventure at a much different pace than I'm accustomed to. Stay tuned...

Angela

XO

I have a small list of podcasts I listen to regularly